Logic insult humor

June 22, 2011 - One Response

yo mamma is so FAT…

because she eats too much and doesn’t exercise.

June 20, 2011 - Leave a Response

I called up the witch doctor and this is what he said: Stop calling me! Everyone’s fucking always calling me!

Insult humor for orphans

June 18, 2011 - Leave a Response

Yo legal guardian is SO POOR…

that they only foster you so that they can get the monthly stipend from the government!

A letter

December 14, 2010 - Leave a Response

Dear completely naked old man in the L.A. Fitness locker room drying the deepest, darkest corner of his buttcrack right out in the open,

Do you have to grunt, too?

Sincerely,

Jake Palas

P.S. Why don’t you have any pubic hair?

November 30, 2010 - Leave a Response

If his name had been Hilanthropist Lecter, would he have chosen philanthropy instead of eating people?

I’M BACK! by popular apathy

November 30, 2010 - One Response

You say, “jump,” I say, “how high would you like me to jump?”

Why do bad things always happen to ME?!

October 14, 2010 - Leave a Response

some girls like the bad boys,

but i always find myself going for the horrible men

October 5, 2010 - Leave a Response

It’s true that actions speak louder than words, but I’ve found that yelling is one of the loudest actions you can do.

Everyone! We need to be civil! BE CIVIL! CIVIL, GODDAMNIT BEFORE I WHIP YOUR ASS!!!

Super Disco Breakin’

September 30, 2010 - Leave a Response

I’ve always wondered what, exactly, the Beastie Boys lyric, “Well, it’s 50 cups of coffee and you know it’s on,” meant.

I thought maybe, “it” was writing a last minute term paper, or maybe “it” was getting an early start on a big day of errands.

But now I see that 50 cups is just too high a number to be practical for these ends. I’m not close to 50 yet today, but closer than I’ve been before. And it struck me:

“It” really refers to diarrhea. It’s diarrhea that’s on. Until the break of break of dawn.

September 22, 2010 - Leave a Response

The good thing about dating a person who has emphysema is that, at least when they say that you take their breath away, you know they are telling the truth.